Thoughts on Life...

Update from Chapel Hill

2009-07-15T23:05:00.001-04:00

I am spending some of the next few days with one of my favorite families while their five year old son is undergoing another major surgery.. Below is an update I wrote on his caringbridge site. Click here to read more about his story and the family's incredible faith journey.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacobcastles/journal

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 11:05 PM, CDT

I am a good friend of the Castles family and have been blessed to have gotten to know the family and be able to help Stephanie with Jacob and Luke over the past few months. I arrived in Chapel Hill this afternoon to stay for a few days so I am writing Jacob's update for Stephanie tonight. Jacob is hanging in there. It broke my heart to see his little body in a big hospital bed with about 8 wires/tubes hooked up to him; including an epidural, two IV ports, a cathetar, his hickman, and a few others. He took a nap during most of the afternoon but he woke up crying a few times in really bad pain. It's hard for him to tell the nurses exactly what is wrong because the pain from the surgery is so severe in multiple places. He did get up and go for a walk around the floor and I was so proud of him! He is so strong and is such a fighter! The doctors are impressed with his recovery and are hoping to remove some of these tubes in the morning, which will make him a lot more comfortable.The past few days I have really fallen in love with this song (God who Answers Prayers) and that is my hope for the Castles this week and as Jacob continues to fight this battle that the Lord has given him. "Bless the Lord oh my soul with all that I am, make me whole here I stand, I place all my hope in You. My Healer will see me through."Please pray for Jacob's level of pain and healing and also for the Lord to continue to encourage him and ultimately heal him; and to continue to give Lindsay and Stephanie strength and for God to pour his love over this family.with Love,Jess Mitchell

Why do we Worry??

2009-06-14T23:16:00.004-04:00

Last Sunday Pastor Steven spoke about who God is Not.. He is not incompetent. He is not forgetful. He is not indifferent. While we would never state that God is those things, the way we live our lives does not reveal this. When our hearts are anxious it portrays the belief that God is not in control of my life. Worry and anxiety are sins. Jesus died on the cross so we do not have to carry our own burdens - they are His.
This morning at small group we talked more about worry. I almost feel spoiled right now in the way I have been able to eliminate worry and anxiety from my life. I almost feel prideful or it is just a temporary cover I have been able to hide behind.
Phillipians 4: 6- 7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thankstiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

But more than anything I have ever believed- I feel so strongly that God is going to provide an absolutely outstanding life for me... IF I let Him take control!!! If I continue to seek Him with all of my heart and live a life that models Christ He will continue to bless me. The small things that I have no control over are not worth the worry and feelings of anxiety. The plan that God has already outlined for me is already so much better than I could ever even think of!
Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us.

My life right now, as dissheveled as it may be, is more amazing and fufilling than ever before. And I know this is just the beginning! God has continued to bless me. He never let go. He never gave up on seeking after me. He constantly came after me until I surrendered everything to Him. God has not forgotten about us. God does not need our help. He is GOD. God has big plans for my life and I am soooooo EXCITED for what he has in store for me!

Incovenience or the ultimate Sacrifice?

2009-06-11T23:05:00.000-04:00

Tonight at Bible Study I had a little revelation... We were having an intense night of prayer, singing, and quoting scripture in attempts to really set aside the busy-ness of life and set our focus solely on God.
I was telling Him how I wanted to constantly remember how he died on the cross for me- to carry MY burdens and my sins. I feel like whenever I take my focus off of Him it is because I don't remember of his crazy love for us. In my personal life I absolutely hate putting people out. I live my life in a very efficient way and I hate for others to go out of their way for me. I hate for them to suffer pain or inconvenience on my behalf. I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and just want to do things myself so as not to bother them.
God's son Jesus suffered pain for ME! He endured embarssament for ME! He gave up his life and died a grueling death for ME! Not that he wants me to feel guilty on a daily basis but our burdens and sins inconveienced him in a big way! I wonder how I can let this thought slip out of my mind so easily? On a daily basis if I should turn my thoughts towards anyone - it should be Jesus. I should reflect this in my every day actions. Him dying on the cross for me was the ultimate sacrifice. I hope this simple analogy can serve as a constant reminder for me. I hope it can help me identify more with the pain and sacrifice that Christ went through for each and every one of us.

God gives strength for today and HOPE for tomorrow

2009-05-14T08:12:00.003-04:00

I know I said I was going to post on a lot of things that have been going on, but that sounds like more of a task then something I will enjoy. I just read Pastor Furtick's blog for this morning and it completely is speaking to the dip that I have been in the past few days. Amazing how his blogs always seem to do that!
I have been in a little bit of a funk for the past two days. I have been trying to put my finger on why and where it came from. I am being completely provided for. I have enough money to pay my bills and eat for the month. I have an amazing family. I have great friends. I am surrounded by encouraging Christians. I already have a new roomate in place for when Rachel leaves... but yet I still am wondering what my purpose is in life. For so long my purpose was tied to my job. I am very thankful that through this trial in my life I have been able to learn that I am so much more than the job I hold. But we all tend to worry about tomorrow.
God will completely get us through any situation, we just have to have faith in him. God will give us strength to get through the trials of today but He does not want us to worry about tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, he will give us strength to get through that day. God wants to instill in us a sense of HOPE for what he will bring us to tomorrow. Wouldn't you prefer to HOPE instead of worry?
I need to be reminded that every morning when I wake up I need to thank God for giving me strength to get through the day and be hopeful about what the next day will bring.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you Hope and a future.

This verse shows God's promise to us. My friend Heather shared this verse with me months ago when she lost her job as well and it has been such a gift to constantly look to. Last night I was able to share this verse with my middle schoolers- and they came up with cute motions to remember it- but I want to share the gift of scripture with them so that they may surrender all of their plans to God.

Well hello there..

2009-05-12T17:48:00.004-04:00

Alright so needless to say I kind of wrote this blog off, since the last entry was on December 24th.... a good 5 whole months ago! Wow! Anyways, I stumbled upon it, actually a link to my blog on a friend's blog and thought how embarrassing that it is never updated. I guess never would be an understatement! My life has dramatically changed sincethe last post. So much that I am going to have to carefully plan out where to go from this post.

Quick Update..
* I am one of about 50,000 people in Charlotte currently unemployed
* I spend my days babysitting and playing with some of the cutest kids known to man!
* I am constantly reminding myself to become who God wants me to BE and not find what job God wants me to have
* Rachel is moving out and I am super stoked for Cara to move in next month!
* I have been surrounded by the most strong and encouraging Christian women I could never have even dreamed of
* Ephesians 3:21 and Jeremiah 29:11 have gotten me through these dips and given me so much faith that the best is yet to come, as long as I place my future in God's hands!

That's it for today... will be back soon this time!!

Running in Circles

2009-05-07T18:39:00.001-04:00

I almost feel as if I am running in circles...

I know that God wants to do something profound in my life, but I am still not exactly sure of His direction. I look at the person who I am now and I am so proud- sometimes even shocked- of the traits that God has called out in me and the woman he is shaping me to be! I look back to how cynical and depressed that I used to be and how unsure I was in all things and I am so grateful at who I am today! Jesus is living in me and I want him to shine through!!! When it became no longer about ME is when I was completely transformed!!! If God can bring me through that previous state of mind, than this little hurdle of not having a job is nothing! Everything that is happening in my life is part of the journey that God has planed for me.

2009-04-11T20:25:00.002-04:00

Tonight I got to attend the Saturday night Easter Service at Elevation. Pastor was live and it was an incredible experience! Worship was phenomenal- one of my favorite songs Healer. This is the song that really moved me to get baptised this past summer. There were 1500 people at one service alone! I think God is doing even bigger things than the staff every though imaginable (Ephesians 3:21 in full force!). I still can't believe I am a part of such a major movement of God. I need to remind myself on a daily basis, especially after viewing first hand tonight. THIS is what I am constantly living for! Serving God with my wholeheart! I am constantly let down by those of the human flesh but the love of GOD always prevails!

Pastor spoke from Isaiah 53: 1- 6.
The focus was on verse 3 : "He was despised and we esteemed him not"

We (as undeserving people) received the ultimate promise through Jesus' pain- the punishment that brought us peace. For this, I lay down my life for the Lord. What good do I have in this life on my own? If you do not esteem Him (value him, honor, place all glory to Him) then you are not truly saved. I constantly need a reminder of what Jesus did for me! He took upon the sin and sorrow for all of us. What a mind blowing concept!!

2008-12-24T12:41:00.003-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

Well technically today is only Christmas Eve but I am finally about to leave work and am completely psyched to be spending Christmas Eve day at my favorite place!! With my favorite volunteers and my favorite kids :) Three Elevation services today are going to be absolutely nuts but in a crazy good way!! I also have this Friday off (which is like the first in maybe 10 years... seriously!) I wonder whatever will I do, maybe hit the mall or take a relaxing day off. At any rate I am so excited to be able to serve my lord and saviour in honor of his birth. I also just saw this quote and I love it. So many things in it to focus on.....

"I celebrate the day that you were born to die, so I could one day pray for You to save my life."

A Year at Elevation!!

2008-12-22T15:04:00.004-05:00

A year ago I was still struggling with the purpose of my life. I had no clear purpose and felt like I could never find that niche where I truly belonged. I still have a few struggles in terms of what God is calling me to do but I have found a purpose in my life. I despair at the thought that my life might pass me by without God moving greatly on my behalf. I started going to Elevation the last Sunday in December 2007. The church has been such a gift to me and I look back and can't believe it has already been a year. I am so blessed to be a part of such an amazing movement of God!! Elevation Church has truly changed my life in the past year. I am so thankful that God was patient with me and did not give up on seeking me.

Great changes in the Past Year...

Volunteering in Quest (3-5 year olds) - I started off as a volunteer and am now the PM Services Coordinator for 11:30am and 1:00pm services. It completely shocks me that I am doing what I am doing now but it gives me an opportunity to serve the volunteers and serve with the childen and worry more about the big picture and not the little details.
Friendships: I can't really say what bad friendships I have been called to get rid of but basically what you starve fades and what you feed grows. The friendships that were having a negative affect on my outlook on life, my faith, and my life in general have faded away. Instead of solely losing friends I have gained stronger friendships with people that really speak truth in my life.
Middle School Small Group: I have been blessed with the opportunity to lead a middle school small group. I have the most AMAZING girls in my group. They are a light into my life and the fact that I can be an impact on their life and an inspiration in their walk with Christ is amazing. I really wish that I had a group like this during my middle school years... more to come on a later post!
Financials: Granted I have not really gotten a raise or come across any large sums of money but I am no longer obsessed with what job I can have that I will get paid the most. Yes I do need to be able to afford to tithe, pay my mortgage, and other monthly bills but I want to be able to budget and not live an extravagant life, or a life outside of my means. It gives you a huge sense of peace when you make the decision to put God in control of your finances.
Bad Habits: With a part of my new lifestyle change, I do not enjoy hanging out at bars or drinking anymore. Up until last week I was just kind of fuzzy on how God intended us to act with alcohol. Perry Noble said it straight up that "Getting drunk is a SIN." That really drew a black and white line in my mind. I still enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail and that is perfectly okay, however I just need to be careful not to cross that line.
Self Confidence: This past year I have really learned that no one has the right to judge me and that the strict guidelines I have always imposed on myself, are not really necessary in the eyes of God. "The king is enthralled with your beauty" (Psalm 45:11).

I guess I ideally could continue on writing but for now, these are some great changes made in my life in the past 365-ish days. It constantly amazes me how many more great things that God will be doing in my life!! As Pastor says.... The BEST is YET to COME!

Sparkle!!

2008-12-08T16:45:00.004-05:00

*Sparkle.
What is it ?
It's not just a word, it's a state of being. It's a way of business, a way of life.
Sparkle is that something special, brilliance, enthusiasm, zest for life. Sparkle is all about shining in everything you do and sharing it with the world.
For me, sparkle is a philosophy; and I invite you to live it every day!
My Sparkle is my life.
My Art. *

I just came across this, from an artist whose paintings are displayed in our salon. How awesome is this! And the fact that his passion is completely revealed through his artwork. Especially during the holidays, we see the sparkle everywhere. At this time of year, we see the visible signs of sparkle but when we take a moment to reflect a little deeper, the SPARKLE is everywhere! I pray that God would help me to find the sparkle in my own life and that he would help me to share this sparkle with others. Christmastime is such an amazing time of the year there are sparkles everywhere!! I want to find my true sparkle on the inside that I can not help to share with others on the outside. Okay so much for this short post, but this quote really hit me hard. Our life is too short to not find the inner sparkle that God intended us to share with others. This is the best time of the year to SHINE to others!!

Guys & Relationships

2008-11-19T17:26:00.004-05:00

I haven't written in awhile, but wow I have so many things going on in my mind right now. I've been thinking a lot about relationships. Ever since last Friday Abby sent me a deveotional titled Even a Great Husband Makes a Very Poor God. A few years ago when I thought I was in a relationship for the long haul, I did not believe this. I kept looking to my boyfriend to mend my brokeness and kept waiting for him to make me happy. The thing is, no guy will ever make you happy if you are not content with yourself.

Even deeper..... well, just read this::

To expect another person to make you feel happy, secure, and fulfilled will leave you disappointed at best and disillusioned at worst. Even a great husband makes a very poor God. Only God can settle those deep heart-needs. A man can never do this. If a husband could meet every need his wife had, we'd have no need for God. Therefore, instead of just focusing on finding the right partner, let God work on your heart to help you become the right partner. The time to start working on becoming a wife is now. Before the white dress, delicate bouquets, unity candle, bacon wrapped shrimp, and reception punch, there is some heart stuff to consider: Getting married doesn't instantly make you selfless... it makes you realize how very selfish you can be at times. Getting married doesn't make you feel loved... it makes you realize love is more of a decision you make than a feeling you feel. Getting married doesn't take away loneliness... it makes you realize true companionship comes not when you demand it but rather when you give it to another person.

God has definetly given me the conviction that he is still preparing my heart and my mind for a future relationship. When he knows that I am ready, is when this relationship will be a part of my life. Now I stumbled across this post today http://blackglasses.wordpress.com/2008/11/18/dating-201/ and he sure tells it like it should be... if only every guy in Charlotte would read this or better yet listen to the Visionary Love, Dream Sex series from Elevation, us single girls would be in a lot better place! Yet God won't leave us in a state of loneliness, it is all part of his amazing plan.

Change in a Moment

2008-10-27T14:52:00.005-04:00

From Pastor Furtick's blog today....
Significant change takes time. But it’s often ignited in a moment. Don’t underestimate the uniqueness of your moment. Make it matter.

How powerful these words are. I am sitting here in a moment of discouragement based on someone else's perception of truth turned into lies about me. I am wondering why I care... I have prayed countless times and have thought I have given the situation over to God but if I am still dealing with it, I obviously haven't.

But on to the big picture... How many things do I do in a given week that possibly sparks change in someone's life? Isn't that what I should focus most of my energy on? That is what God intends us to do. Why even waste my time worrying about things that do not have a significant impact? I am challenging myself with this and hoping that eventually the BIG change will take place in my heart. Each of us have unique moments every day, every week, millions every year- do we make the most of them and ignite change in others, or do we let these moments just pass us by?
I am challenging myself with this and hoping that eventually the BIG change will take place in my heart. Until then I am just tyring to make it day by day with a focus on those around me.

Listening to.....

Undivided here's my heart it's yours
It's Yours
Undivided take my life, I am yours
I am yours
This is the Time
This is the Hour
So I make my stand, theres no turning back
Jesus you're All that I Want
You're all that I want
All that hinders I cast aside

Isn't it Ironic...?!

2008-10-23T16:52:00.004-04:00

It's quite ironic how in the last post I made such a big deal about sharing my birthday... guess it's time for me to learn to celebrate on my own. I will spare you the much un-necessary drama associated.
In light of the current drama, I thought I would focus on the good things. Let Thankful Thursday ensue....

The beautiful fall weather!
Smiling little ones... whether it is my kiddies in Quest or my coworker's children, it is always a blessing to spend part of my day with a little one.
My amazing middle school girls, they make me laugh!
A few best friends
MY own 27TH BIRTHDAY next Wednesday!
My new roomate Rachel that is moving in today! I am so excited to get to know her better and have someone to share my home with :)
People who constantly see the potential in me to do amazing things!
That I am a part of one of the greatest movement's of God at Elevation!
Pumpkin carving on Monday at Meredith's!
How it still amazes me when I give my problems over to God how easily my worries disappear!

I think I could sit here and come up with many more "thankyous" but I will save the rest for next Thursday!!

October... the best month for Birthdays!!

2008-10-22T14:00:00.004-04:00

Every year I have been so excited when the month of October rolls around. Everyone loves the crisp weather, the color changing leaves, football games, and pumpkins.... but my birthday is in October. 3 Days before Halloween, no less. Which meant growing up I always had to have a Halloween birthday. Here I am less than a week away and I haven't even thought about my special day.
This year I am completely caught off guard by the beauty that God has shown me! I have spent more time outdoors breathing in the crisp air and the glorious nature. I have spent time at the farmer's market, picked out a pumpkin, and even plan on carving it next week. It's amazing how much more I enjoy these little pleasures. Now don't get me wrong, my birthday is a special day. I am so blessed to share my special day with two amazing friends. My best friend in college, Amity, and I were able to share many milestone birthdays together. She is exactly one year younger than me so I got to relive the beloved 21st birthday twice! After graduating and not seeing Am as much anymore (sad)... my birthday was once again shared with a new best friend. I met Sarah 5 years ago when I started working at Modern, in fact we started on the same day, we have the same birthday, and she was the only phenomenal roomate that I have ever had. With Sarah we embarked on annual trips to New York City to celebrate. (for the past 2 years anyways) If you have never shared your birthday with a best friend, I recommend searching for one! I guess it is kind of like a secret pact... October 29th birthdays.
This year I will be spending my birthday...
1- at Modern getting our newest location at Metropolitan prepared to open!
2- at Panera with 11 of my favorite middle school small groupers!
Two completely exciting things that I am blessed to be a part of. I'm sure the family birthday dinner and a few nights with friends will also be included but for now I am content with these plans!

Do I really want to blog?

2008-10-20T14:53:00.003-04:00

I got excited for about 2 days... hence my previous post and thought I was going to be an avid blogger, posting my thoughts for the world to see. Then I had second thoughts and decided I would keep the thoughts and desires of my heart under lock and key in my journal. Well now I'm back- we'll see how long it lasts this time!
Something that I have witnessed in a lot of my single friends' lives lately, is the loneliness and aching for a man to fill this void. In college I dated the man that at the time I thought I would marry. Well had I only dug deeper into my heart I would have realized that we were not right for each other. I loved him, but I know now that it was not true love and it was not loved based on Godly principles. After breaking up with him I went through various stages to find happiness. I learned a lot about myself, learned to be independent again, and my journey brought me back to a life to live to honor A lot of my friends have gotten married in the past few years and I just hope and pray that their marriages is based on strong fundamentals and godly principles. At church we have just finished Visionary Love, Dream Sex series based on Song of Solomon. It has brought out so many truths on the type of releationship that God intended for men and women to have. A man should pursue the woman. Women should be crowned with Love by a man, and Men should be crowned with Respect by a woman. I have learned to not compromise my standards or settle for anything less than what I deserve. I am now more than ever determined to wait for the love God has in store for me. It breaks my heart to hear friends and other girls who are so desperate to fill the void and are longing to get married. That is what we ALL want, but wouldn't you rather be patient and wait for the RIGHT relationship than to settle for less than the best and end up in a relationship filled with anger and regret down the road?!
Since January I have felt a conviction in my heart, that now is the time that God is pruning me and molding me into the person that He wants me to be. A guy in my life during this process would hinder this growth, not help it. I listen to others talk about playing games with guys and being a challenge or a girl being the pursuer (all roles I have played in the past) and I truly believe that if we are seeking Him, God is going to bring us the relationship and it will be EASY- no games, no gimmicks, just true love.
I have learned a lot about patience and truly know how wonderful my relationship with my husband is GOING to be. No ifs or maybes, the only unknown that God will reveal in his own time is who and when. Isn't it worth it to be patient for another 1- 5 years and hold out for the best?

True Friendships...

2008-08-21T10:28:00.003-04:00

A conversation I have been having on and off with a friend about true friendships. We both are on the same page about always wanting to include everyone that it hurts that much more when we are not invited to things or when someone doesn't bring their "A- Game" in being your friend.

This is something that I have really been dealing with over this summer, especially this past month with my surgery and some situations that have taken place. I have struggled with it for years but it has finally hit a deeper meaning the past few weeks and I am beginning to understand it. The other night I was reading John 2 (for the Daniel Fast we are reading the book of John one chapter a day) and verse 24 really spoke to me. "But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men." And it continues on, but what I really got is that no one can fully satisfy us, we can not fully trust anyone and that He is the only one that will not let us down. I know it is a lot easier to say but I've had a really rough time with friends lately and I've prayed about it and have kind of left it up to Him and now I am comforted by the fact that this is one less thing I have to hurt and feel bad about. I continue to pray about it and I know that it will still be a struggle, but much less of a struggle. I used to want to be true friends with everyone and always wanted to be invited to things and always invited people to things but now I realize how much better life is when you have true friends around and plan time to spend with them, real deep friendships not just friendships on the surface. And I feel like that is what God intended our relationships to be like.
It is also hard, when do you know when a friendship has hit its last leg? Unfortunately I have learned you just have to let it go. Some are definetly a lot easier than others and I realize some friendships I really want to keep in my life but for some reason or other they are wavering and as much as it scares me to lose them, I feel comforted that things happen for a reason.

So it begins...

2008-08-19T16:48:00.000-04:00

I am writing this with the thought that no one else will ever read this, but who knows I ought to be careful because I might be suprised. I always used to use a journal to keep up with my thoughts and whats really sad is that with technology now, its very hard for me to sit down and actually get everything from my head onto paper. It has been a very interesting past month of Summer for me. Started off with my hip surgery on July 16th... which will probably turn into its own post at some point... I got baptised on August 10th (along with 1043 others at Elevation!! which will be another post too), I took a vacation to Charleston, SC and at the same time one of my good friends Sarah & Thomas got married.
I feel like the excitement isn't stopping any time soon either. Elevation is starting its 3rd campus this Sunday (8/24) at McGlohon Theatre in spirit square. Ever since pastor announced the new campus I have been completely excited for the new opportunity. I also have a personal tie to Loonis McGlohon (who the theatre is named after) as he went to the church I grew up with and was close friends with my parents. I am lucky to be able to switch from Providence to Uptown eventhough I am leaving my Ekidz which is going to be very hard :( This past week one of the rambunctious boys stopped and said "You look like a Princess" and a few weeks passed a little girl referred to me as "Miss America" (miss jessica... they sound similar, right?!) Anyways it is going to be hard to leave them behind but hopefully I can work it out to where I still see them a few times a month.
I feel like I have never been more happier or content with my life, which is kind of odd becuase I feel like I have a few things that I would like to see drastically changed. I think it means my heart is finally getting to the right place and ready for what God has in store for me. I think it still might be a ways away but things have to be better than they were a few years ago. The next 21 days is going to be a time of focusing on prayer and what God has done for us and what he is going to do in the future. We are doing the Daniel Fast (I need to do some more research on it before I attempt to explain) but it's basically giving up all animal products (meats, dairy, fats, sugar). When I say the word fast I immediately think of "not eating for... 21 days" but knowing that I get to eat fruits, veggies, nuts, and whole grain foods it puts a different twist on it. It is going well so far and it is just about 48 hours down. It has made me start to cook (what is this with rice cooking for 50 minutes?!) and be more careful about what I am eating, which is something I need to be doing anyways. Wednesday night some girls from small group and I are going to cook so maybe I will get a little more creative then!